Age Controversy Rocks Challenge Finale!

This challenge should be about goodwill and fair competition. This should be a Cinderella story of a player going from worst in Euro08 to first, but it appears that the 2008 Olympic Challenge has unfortunately been marred by scandal. As you all are certainly aware, there is a strict age minimum for Poolmaster Challenges of at least 6 months of age. (We do have some standards, after all) We hate to pass this news to you, but photos are leaking out on the internet from sites like thesmokinggun.com that purports to give evidence that our pool champion Quarterpoint is not yet of age to be eligible. Here is one of the alleged photos:

Obviously, the rules committee is looking into this and will render a decision shortly...

UPDATE: after gleaning through reams of birth certificates, doctor's affidavits, expert testimony, and a note from the teacher, we have learned that the Challenge application was actually co-signed by Quarterpoint's mother, Betterhalfpoint. Thus all protests to the victor are voided. Congratulations to the mother-daughter team, who outshone the rest of us by having the perfect mix of Great Britain, Jamaica, and Spain (the second time in as many months that Spain has helped QP out).

Here is the final result list:

1	Quarterpoint	648
2	Flippy Flyer	630.09
3	Halfpoint	630.08
4	Sissy Sara	622
5	KillaPascal	611
6	ET Rage	601
7	Full Monte	571
8	Susan B. nearAnthony	543
9	Poolmaster	542
10	Fuller Monte	535
11	Ukari Figgs	533
12	Daniel of the sun	531
13	Gharry	531
14	Daniel of the snow	528
15	Bijou	515
16	BenXiang Jin	514
17	Brokeback Alex	513
18	Dr. Norway	507
19	Wise Old Anna	481
20	Dental Hygenius	480
21	2 Dog Might	470
22	Lisa McDynasty	433
23	Bloody Mary	418
24	Burg de Brown	391
25	Satchel Paige	384
26	PegLegMeg	314

The USA-China rivalry ended up being moot, as all the action was in groups B and C. Flippy Flyer won the tiebreaker with Halfpoint for second place. Always the showman, FF went out on the streets of Beijing to celebrate his silver medal in style:

Others of us of course weren't so lucky. Early leader Ukari Figgs ran out of the Japanese mojo and faded to 11th. Lisa McDynasty never got the car out of the garage by trying the Germany-Australia combo pack. And it is a bittersweet finish for PegLegMeg as Seychelles brought home the goose egg which sealed the money-back position for her.

Thanks to all of you for playing, I hope that you all enjoyed yourselves and didn't lose too much sleep watching archery semifinals at 2:00 am. Even if you took a country with "Ice" in the name, a country with the population of Wyoming, or even a country better known for Borat than for Boxing, know that you competed well and fully deserve a Presidential pat on the rump!

See you again in Vancouver in 2010, start studying up on ice dancing now!
Poolmaster

Super Happy Pickem Game

A quick game of pickem:

1. Stud of the Olympics:

Michael or Usain

Michael has 8 gold and 7 world records, Usain only 3 gold and 3 world records.

Winner: Usain. Because world records in swimming are like goose poop at the fort wayne rose garden - they are everywhere and you walk into them by accident. Usain did not need a $10,000 suit to go fast, just an untucked t-shirt and big smiles.

2. Scary dude of the Olympics:

Grzegorz or Denis

Winner: Denis. Latvian Grzegorz has the scarier name and is a heavyweight weightlifting finalist. I would not want to throw down with him an alley outside of Riga. However, Russian Denis is simply on another level. While he may only have the bronze in the 50k racewalk, he takes the gold in looking like a neighborhood serial killer.

3. Controversy of the Olympics:

Pre-teen Chinese gymnasts or pre-teen Chinese fake singers

Winner: push. Both were equally impressive and now can go back to watching Dora the Explorer.
4. Goofiest event:

Individual ribbon or team ribbon

Winner: none. We are all losers in this one. All losers...

Let`s get together and feel alright

How do you get an American sprinter to have 2 free hands? Hand them a baton.

Boy, the USA are doing everything they can to avoid taking over first place from China in the Challenge rankings. Regardless, the path to being in contention in the challenge goes through England and ends in sunny Jamaica. Quarterpoint sure knows how to feel alright:

QP is running away with first, but there is a lively fight for silver (and 33% of the money) between Flippy Flyer (561), ET Rage (559), Killapascal (554), and Sissy Sara (549). Flippy will look to Kenya in the 800 and marathon, Killa likes Spain`s chances in some final kayak stuff, Sissy needs China to do well and USA to be bad, and ET Rage is all Canada all the time.

Good luck everyone!

Poolmaster

That’s why they're not called Average Britain

First of all, holy crap that Bolt guy is fast. Much has been made about his pre-finish celebration at the 80 meter mark, but when you run like that for the first 80 meters, you get to do whatever you want at the end. After all: triathlon winners have gone to the sides to give high fives before the finish, Peyton Manning kneels down with the ball at least 10 times per season, and Lance Armstrong drank freaking champagne a few times on the last leg into Paris. So, cut the superfastdude some slack, Costas!

By the way, Jamaica has helped Quarterpoint move into second thanks to not one, but two silver medals in the same event. Oh yeah, there was a tie in the women’s 100 for second, which means double silver in a prestige event! Let the excuse-making begin!

Anyway, Sissy Sara probably feels like she can take a day off of the challenge after her major weekend move into first place. Apparently, Great Britain is the new Japan. I don’t recall what exactly the Brits are good at, but it probably involves oars or pub darts. The updated standings are:

1 Sissy Sara 406
2 Quarterpoint 385
3 Poolmaster 380
4 KillaPascal 366
5 Flippy Flyer 364
6 Dr. Norway 364
7 ET Rage 359
8 Wise Old Anna 355
9 Ukari Figgs 349
10 Halfpoint 349
11 Fuller Monte 345
12 Daniel of the sun 325
13 Full Monte 323
14 BenXiang Jin 321
15 Susan B. nearAnthony 318
16 Daniel of the snow 315
17 Bijou 315
18 Brokeback Alex 313
19 2 Dog Might 312
20 Gharry 310
21 Lisa McDynasty 304
22 Dental Hygenius 284
23 Bloody Mary 245
24 Satchel Paige 241
25 Burg de Brown 229
26 PegLegMeg 225

If you are looking for Lisa McDynasty on that list, look further down, a little more, down there, getting warmer, there she is: 21^st. Now that this heckle is out of the way, watch Germany score 20 golds in bmx biking and sailing…

Burg de Brown is trying to angle in on last place, but he may get stonewalled by Argentina if they win men’s soccer gold.

This contest is far from over, as USA points are starting to add up, and we’re just getting started in track and field…

Stay tuned.

Archery Scandal!

The archery world has been rocked by the news that the British gold medal favorite (or favourite) has been taken in for petty theft during the prelims...

Please make it stop

or but not both.

Note to the Head Secretariat of the Committee for the People’s Beach Volleyball Music Service: after each kill by the US player Kerri Walsh, it is not obligatory to play that 1987 big hair Europe song “Carrie.” In fact, many cultures around the world discourage that behavior. Over here in the West, for example, the only cheesy Europe song we allow at our sporting events is the occasional snippet of “Final Countdown” late in the 4^th quarter of NBA games. That never gets old.

Day 6 Update

You really have to hand it to China, they have the nerve to fake part of their opening ceremonies, they put their actors in diapers to control potty-breaks, they control the weather with a cloud-seeding program, they fill their gymnastics team with 72 pound “16 year olds” and then they go out and kick butt in the sporting events too! And I’m not just talking about table tennis here, China has gold in archery and judo too…

In our competition, having the dynamic duo of China and Japan is the key to being top of the table. 4 of us can lay that claim: Wise Old Anna, Poolmaster, Ukari Figgs, and Dr. Norway. The current standings are:

1 Wise Old Anna 201
2 Poolmaster 192
3 Ukari Figgs 187
4 Dr. Norway 183
5 Sissy Sara 165
6 Daniel of the sun 162
7 2 Dog Might 155
8 BenXiang Jin 153
9 KillaPascal 149
10 Lisa McDynasty 148
11 Gharry 147
12 Daniel of the snow 146
13 Flippy Flyer 142
14 Susan B. nearAnthony 137
14 Bijou 137
16 Fuller Monte 131
17 Quarterpoint 131
18 Halfpoint 127
19 Full Monte 122
20 Bloody Mary 121
21 Burg de Brown 118
22 ET Rage 116
23 Dental Hygenius 112
24 Brokeback Alex 104
25 Satchel Paige 99
26 PegLegMeg 99

Note that there have been 3 gold guarantee casualties so far: Daniel of the snow, Bloody Mary, and PegLegMeg will not be getting their 15 point bonuses.

So many of you seem to be stuck with a problem: you wanted to be patriotic and do the right thing. So you picked the USA. Then at some point early on, the wheels fell off and it was an obvious mistake. No matter how hard you want Michael Phelps to be in every event, 8 golds is all you’ll get. You hope that a surge in track and field will help you turn the corner in this cesspool while relying on your ally B and C countries to support you, yet you get the creeping suspicion that you will fail and be a laughing stock. I know you’re downbeat, but at least there’s one man who believes in you!

It's Scandalicious

Girl you know its true ... ooh ooh ooh, it wasn't you (singing.) Finally a nice juicy story for the press to run so we can avoid thinking about the recent unpleasantness that is the USA women's gymnastics team. (speaking of which, what is the degree of difficulty for the face-plant maneuver?)

Word is getting out that the little girl singing at the opening ceremonies was lip-syncing the song. The girl who actually laid the track was originally chosen to perform in front of billions, but it was apparently determined by party leaders that the 9 year old has a face for radio and needed to be replaced. So Lin Miaoke (who couldn't sing quite so well) took her place on the stage, but not on the microphone.

Other pleasant revelations? Lin probably wasn't even told that she was lip-syncing! Her dad had to tell her afterward. Oh, and neither girl was the first choice -- it was a 10 year old girl who was later determined to be way too old for the role. Oh, and I haven't even brought up the cartoon "fireworks."

Oh silly Communism, when will you learn that its Democracy's job to be shallow and image-conscious?

Day 2 Update

Before we get into the first update of the Olympics, a brief public service announcement for all French swimmers: the next time you think it would be fun to talk smack about the U.S. relay teams, maybe you should send a quick text message to the Thorpedo and ask him how that worked out for him in Athens. The heroic U.S. ghostbusters relay team had the moment of the games so far with a thrilling comeback to keep Michael Phelps alive in his hunt for 8 golds. (Phelps should have been a group B country by himself…) Anyway, you know that swimmers are going fast when the previous world record comes in 6^th place in the men’s 4x100 freestyle relay.

Swimming aside, the games have belonged to the Chinese, who somehow already have manufactured 9 gold medals. (insert culturally gauche joke about lead paint, mass production, or child labor here) Having China in your stable is key to being top in the standings right now, as Wise Old Anna has shown us. She even has her gold guarantee wrapped up! As far as Anna is concerned, keep the taps to that home field advantage natural testosterone running. Speaking of testosterone, if you had “Spanish female cyclist” in your office pool for first doping casualty, step up and collect the winnings! As for the American cyclists, they are getting their edge in a much more subtle way:

The Field is Set

Oh yes, it's Go Time. Please do not be concerned about the police detail, they are here to protect you! The smog? Not so much. Thank you for your entries and welcome to the 2008 Olympic Challenge!

We have 26 players in this year’s field, a record for the Challenge, spanning from California to Colorado to Chicago to Indiana to Quebec to D.C. and finally Norway. Payouts will be $85 to first, $40 to second, and $5 to last.

I have attached the full standings excel file, with early results included. Picks were widely scattered in most of the groups, with a few interesting trends. USA and China were popular picks, as only a handful was tempted by the double-dip A2 group… Most went chalk on group B with either Japan or Great Britain. Group C was a potpourri (don’t worry Canadians, the canoe medals are still to come – everything’s going to be ok.) while Kenya was the darling of group D. Group E had typical creativity: Dental Hygenius chose Iceland, whose name does not inspire confidence in a SUMMER Olympic games. Also, 2 of you can’t wait for the big showdown between Uzbekistan and Seychelles in the M 85kg weightlifting event (insider tip: the Uzbek guy can lift what the Seychelle dude can lift ALONG WITH the Seychelle dude himself… wager accordingly).

Curiously, Daniel of the sun and Gharry have identical country picks, so the gold guarantee is definitely in play for them. Halfpoint and Flippy Flyer also have the same picks, which is of particular concern because the last time these two were in the same place at the same time, this happened:

(photo courtesy of flippy flyer)

Speaking of the gold guarantee, it seems there will be many of you watching the men’s 200 m butterfly finals on Aug. 13. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Michael Phelps has swum 9 of the 10 fastest times ever in the event? Maybe? PegLegMeg of course can’t be bothered with swimming, because she’ll be dialed into the coverage of the women’s 25 m pistol competition on MSNBC… Won’t we all, PegLegMeg? Won’t we all?

First update will be coming out shortly on the website. Enjoy the games, everyone!

Poolmaster