Let there be blood

Gleeful ruthlessness. The only way to describe the Germans this week. They respond to being handed the toughest road to the finals by scoring 8 goals in 2 games to ruin their competitors.

What's German for "I drink your milkshake?"

This leaves the formerly composed Argentinian team in ruins (Sorry Lisa McCapeofgoodhope)

"But Madame Appletrousers, these spindles aren't originals. They seem ... seem to be copies of the famous biergarten spindles of Munich. You have played me for a fool to the delight of Baron von Muchonneisherschnauder! Oh bloody woe is me!"

Is was such a dominating performance (again) that there are no questions left to be asked of the German team -- except for this one: is their coach Joachim Low a tactical genius to happens to wear Mr. Rodgers cardigans, or is he a regular guy who happens to like eating his own boogers in front of an audience of 1 billion? I say both!

Asamoah Gyan Suicide Watch - Day 1

With Saurez punching the ball out with seconds remaining in the extra time, the game was won by Ghana. Except for that whole "making the penalty kick" thing. What a nutty, sad, fun way to end a game.

Uruguayan goalkeeper gives thanks to St. Ines, Our Lady of the Holy Crossbar.

And so Benito joins Dental Hygenius in advancing to the semifinals.

Oh no he didn't

German midfielder and awesome name-holder Bastian Schweinsteiger (seen here with his coach, a very hungover Boris Becker, and a bored Farrah Fawcett impersonator at the Euro 08) decided it wasn't hard enough to simply beat Argentina straight up tomorrow. He thought he'd add a little locker room board material: "You see how they gesticulate, how they try to influence the referee. That is not part of the game. That is a lack of respect. They are like that...This behaviour [in the game against Mexico] shows their character and mentality."

Uh oh.

In response, the always diplomatic Carlos Tevez went all: "I was more afraid of Mexico than Germany, because the Mexicans play better football."

Double uh oh.

Did I mention that these teams brawled at the end of their game in 2006?

Soccer is the best, isn't it?