Age Controversy Rocks Challenge Finale!

This challenge should be about goodwill and fair competition. This should be a Cinderella story of a player going from worst in Euro08 to first, but it appears that the 2008 Olympic Challenge has unfortunately been marred by scandal. As you all are certainly aware, there is a strict age minimum for Poolmaster Challenges of at least 6 months of age. (We do have some standards, after all) We hate to pass this news to you, but photos are leaking out on the internet from sites like thesmokinggun.com that purports to give evidence that our pool champion Quarterpoint is not yet of age to be eligible. Here is one of the alleged photos:

Obviously, the rules committee is looking into this and will render a decision shortly...

UPDATE: after gleaning through reams of birth certificates, doctor's affidavits, expert testimony, and a note from the teacher, we have learned that the Challenge application was actually co-signed by Quarterpoint's mother, Betterhalfpoint. Thus all protests to the victor are voided. Congratulations to the mother-daughter team, who outshone the rest of us by having the perfect mix of Great Britain, Jamaica, and Spain (the second time in as many months that Spain has helped QP out).

Here is the final result list:

1	Quarterpoint	648
2	Flippy Flyer	630.09
3	Halfpoint	630.08
4	Sissy Sara	622
5	KillaPascal	611
6	ET Rage	601
7	Full Monte	571
8	Susan B. nearAnthony	543
9	Poolmaster	542
10	Fuller Monte	535
11	Ukari Figgs	533
12	Daniel of the sun	531
13	Gharry	531
14	Daniel of the snow	528
15	Bijou	515
16	BenXiang Jin	514
17	Brokeback Alex	513
18	Dr. Norway	507
19	Wise Old Anna	481
20	Dental Hygenius	480
21	2 Dog Might	470
22	Lisa McDynasty	433
23	Bloody Mary	418
24	Burg de Brown	391
25	Satchel Paige	384
26	PegLegMeg	314

The USA-China rivalry ended up being moot, as all the action was in groups B and C. Flippy Flyer won the tiebreaker with Halfpoint for second place. Always the showman, FF went out on the streets of Beijing to celebrate his silver medal in style:

Others of us of course weren't so lucky. Early leader Ukari Figgs ran out of the Japanese mojo and faded to 11th. Lisa McDynasty never got the car out of the garage by trying the Germany-Australia combo pack. And it is a bittersweet finish for PegLegMeg as Seychelles brought home the goose egg which sealed the money-back position for her.

Thanks to all of you for playing, I hope that you all enjoyed yourselves and didn't lose too much sleep watching archery semifinals at 2:00 am. Even if you took a country with "Ice" in the name, a country with the population of Wyoming, or even a country better known for Borat than for Boxing, know that you competed well and fully deserve a Presidential pat on the rump!

See you again in Vancouver in 2010, start studying up on ice dancing now!
Poolmaster

Super Happy Pickem Game

A quick game of pickem:

1. Stud of the Olympics:

Michael or Usain

Michael has 8 gold and 7 world records, Usain only 3 gold and 3 world records.

Winner: Usain. Because world records in swimming are like goose poop at the fort wayne rose garden - they are everywhere and you walk into them by accident. Usain did not need a $10,000 suit to go fast, just an untucked t-shirt and big smiles.

2. Scary dude of the Olympics:

Grzegorz or Denis

Winner: Denis. Latvian Grzegorz has the scarier name and is a heavyweight weightlifting finalist. I would not want to throw down with him an alley outside of Riga. However, Russian Denis is simply on another level. While he may only have the bronze in the 50k racewalk, he takes the gold in looking like a neighborhood serial killer.

3. Controversy of the Olympics:

Pre-teen Chinese gymnasts or pre-teen Chinese fake singers

Winner: push. Both were equally impressive and now can go back to watching Dora the Explorer.
4. Goofiest event:

Individual ribbon or team ribbon

Winner: none. We are all losers in this one. All losers...

Let`s get together and feel alright

How do you get an American sprinter to have 2 free hands? Hand them a baton.

Boy, the USA are doing everything they can to avoid taking over first place from China in the Challenge rankings. Regardless, the path to being in contention in the challenge goes through England and ends in sunny Jamaica. Quarterpoint sure knows how to feel alright:

QP is running away with first, but there is a lively fight for silver (and 33% of the money) between Flippy Flyer (561), ET Rage (559), Killapascal (554), and Sissy Sara (549). Flippy will look to Kenya in the 800 and marathon, Killa likes Spain`s chances in some final kayak stuff, Sissy needs China to do well and USA to be bad, and ET Rage is all Canada all the time.

Good luck everyone!

Poolmaster

That’s why they're not called Average Britain

First of all, holy crap that Bolt guy is fast. Much has been made about his pre-finish celebration at the 80 meter mark, but when you run like that for the first 80 meters, you get to do whatever you want at the end. After all: triathlon winners have gone to the sides to give high fives before the finish, Peyton Manning kneels down with the ball at least 10 times per season, and Lance Armstrong drank freaking champagne a few times on the last leg into Paris. So, cut the superfastdude some slack, Costas!

By the way, Jamaica has helped Quarterpoint move into second thanks to not one, but two silver medals in the same event. Oh yeah, there was a tie in the women’s 100 for second, which means double silver in a prestige event! Let the excuse-making begin!

Anyway, Sissy Sara probably feels like she can take a day off of the challenge after her major weekend move into first place. Apparently, Great Britain is the new Japan. I don’t recall what exactly the Brits are good at, but it probably involves oars or pub darts. The updated standings are:

1 Sissy Sara 406
2 Quarterpoint 385
3 Poolmaster 380
4 KillaPascal 366
5 Flippy Flyer 364
6 Dr. Norway 364
7 ET Rage 359
8 Wise Old Anna 355
9 Ukari Figgs 349
10 Halfpoint 349
11 Fuller Monte 345
12 Daniel of the sun 325
13 Full Monte 323
14 BenXiang Jin 321
15 Susan B. nearAnthony 318
16 Daniel of the snow 315
17 Bijou 315
18 Brokeback Alex 313
19 2 Dog Might 312
20 Gharry 310
21 Lisa McDynasty 304
22 Dental Hygenius 284
23 Bloody Mary 245
24 Satchel Paige 241
25 Burg de Brown 229
26 PegLegMeg 225

If you are looking for Lisa McDynasty on that list, look further down, a little more, down there, getting warmer, there she is: 21^st. Now that this heckle is out of the way, watch Germany score 20 golds in bmx biking and sailing…

Burg de Brown is trying to angle in on last place, but he may get stonewalled by Argentina if they win men’s soccer gold.

This contest is far from over, as USA points are starting to add up, and we’re just getting started in track and field…

Stay tuned.

Archery Scandal!

The archery world has been rocked by the news that the British gold medal favorite (or favourite) has been taken in for petty theft during the prelims...

Please make it stop

or but not both.

Note to the Head Secretariat of the Committee for the People’s Beach Volleyball Music Service: after each kill by the US player Kerri Walsh, it is not obligatory to play that 1987 big hair Europe song “Carrie.” In fact, many cultures around the world discourage that behavior. Over here in the West, for example, the only cheesy Europe song we allow at our sporting events is the occasional snippet of “Final Countdown” late in the 4^th quarter of NBA games. That never gets old.

Day 6 Update

You really have to hand it to China, they have the nerve to fake part of their opening ceremonies, they put their actors in diapers to control potty-breaks, they control the weather with a cloud-seeding program, they fill their gymnastics team with 72 pound “16 year olds” and then they go out and kick butt in the sporting events too! And I’m not just talking about table tennis here, China has gold in archery and judo too…

In our competition, having the dynamic duo of China and Japan is the key to being top of the table. 4 of us can lay that claim: Wise Old Anna, Poolmaster, Ukari Figgs, and Dr. Norway. The current standings are:

1 Wise Old Anna 201
2 Poolmaster 192
3 Ukari Figgs 187
4 Dr. Norway 183
5 Sissy Sara 165
6 Daniel of the sun 162
7 2 Dog Might 155
8 BenXiang Jin 153
9 KillaPascal 149
10 Lisa McDynasty 148
11 Gharry 147
12 Daniel of the snow 146
13 Flippy Flyer 142
14 Susan B. nearAnthony 137
14 Bijou 137
16 Fuller Monte 131
17 Quarterpoint 131
18 Halfpoint 127
19 Full Monte 122
20 Bloody Mary 121
21 Burg de Brown 118
22 ET Rage 116
23 Dental Hygenius 112
24 Brokeback Alex 104
25 Satchel Paige 99
26 PegLegMeg 99

Note that there have been 3 gold guarantee casualties so far: Daniel of the snow, Bloody Mary, and PegLegMeg will not be getting their 15 point bonuses.

So many of you seem to be stuck with a problem: you wanted to be patriotic and do the right thing. So you picked the USA. Then at some point early on, the wheels fell off and it was an obvious mistake. No matter how hard you want Michael Phelps to be in every event, 8 golds is all you’ll get. You hope that a surge in track and field will help you turn the corner in this cesspool while relying on your ally B and C countries to support you, yet you get the creeping suspicion that you will fail and be a laughing stock. I know you’re downbeat, but at least there’s one man who believes in you!

It's Scandalicious

Girl you know its true ... ooh ooh ooh, it wasn't you (singing.) Finally a nice juicy story for the press to run so we can avoid thinking about the recent unpleasantness that is the USA women's gymnastics team. (speaking of which, what is the degree of difficulty for the face-plant maneuver?)

Word is getting out that the little girl singing at the opening ceremonies was lip-syncing the song. The girl who actually laid the track was originally chosen to perform in front of billions, but it was apparently determined by party leaders that the 9 year old has a face for radio and needed to be replaced. So Lin Miaoke (who couldn't sing quite so well) took her place on the stage, but not on the microphone.

Other pleasant revelations? Lin probably wasn't even told that she was lip-syncing! Her dad had to tell her afterward. Oh, and neither girl was the first choice -- it was a 10 year old girl who was later determined to be way too old for the role. Oh, and I haven't even brought up the cartoon "fireworks."

Oh silly Communism, when will you learn that its Democracy's job to be shallow and image-conscious?

Day 2 Update

Before we get into the first update of the Olympics, a brief public service announcement for all French swimmers: the next time you think it would be fun to talk smack about the U.S. relay teams, maybe you should send a quick text message to the Thorpedo and ask him how that worked out for him in Athens. The heroic U.S. ghostbusters relay team had the moment of the games so far with a thrilling comeback to keep Michael Phelps alive in his hunt for 8 golds. (Phelps should have been a group B country by himself…) Anyway, you know that swimmers are going fast when the previous world record comes in 6^th place in the men’s 4x100 freestyle relay.

Swimming aside, the games have belonged to the Chinese, who somehow already have manufactured 9 gold medals. (insert culturally gauche joke about lead paint, mass production, or child labor here) Having China in your stable is key to being top in the standings right now, as Wise Old Anna has shown us. She even has her gold guarantee wrapped up! As far as Anna is concerned, keep the taps to that home field advantage natural testosterone running. Speaking of testosterone, if you had “Spanish female cyclist” in your office pool for first doping casualty, step up and collect the winnings! As for the American cyclists, they are getting their edge in a much more subtle way:

The Field is Set

Oh yes, it's Go Time. Please do not be concerned about the police detail, they are here to protect you! The smog? Not so much. Thank you for your entries and welcome to the 2008 Olympic Challenge!

We have 26 players in this year’s field, a record for the Challenge, spanning from California to Colorado to Chicago to Indiana to Quebec to D.C. and finally Norway. Payouts will be $85 to first, $40 to second, and $5 to last.

I have attached the full standings excel file, with early results included. Picks were widely scattered in most of the groups, with a few interesting trends. USA and China were popular picks, as only a handful was tempted by the double-dip A2 group… Most went chalk on group B with either Japan or Great Britain. Group C was a potpourri (don’t worry Canadians, the canoe medals are still to come – everything’s going to be ok.) while Kenya was the darling of group D. Group E had typical creativity: Dental Hygenius chose Iceland, whose name does not inspire confidence in a SUMMER Olympic games. Also, 2 of you can’t wait for the big showdown between Uzbekistan and Seychelles in the M 85kg weightlifting event (insider tip: the Uzbek guy can lift what the Seychelle dude can lift ALONG WITH the Seychelle dude himself… wager accordingly).

Curiously, Daniel of the sun and Gharry have identical country picks, so the gold guarantee is definitely in play for them. Halfpoint and Flippy Flyer also have the same picks, which is of particular concern because the last time these two were in the same place at the same time, this happened:

(photo courtesy of flippy flyer)

Speaking of the gold guarantee, it seems there will be many of you watching the men’s 200 m butterfly finals on Aug. 13. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Michael Phelps has swum 9 of the 10 fastest times ever in the event? Maybe? PegLegMeg of course can’t be bothered with swimming, because she’ll be dialed into the coverage of the women’s 25 m pistol competition on MSNBC… Won’t we all, PegLegMeg? Won’t we all?

First update will be coming out shortly on the website. Enjoy the games, everyone!

Poolmaster

2008 Summer Olympic Challenge Welcome

When someone mentions an athlete with a long streak of dominant performances, do you instinctively counter with Edwin Moses? Did you shiver at the sound made when Greg Louganis decided to peel open his head on the 3m springboard? Did you wonder if someone’s car caught fire thanks to that Robin Hood guy in Barcelona? Do you effortlessly use the words: coxswain, Greco-roman, and pommel horse in casual conversation? When you are out on the street, are you always on the lookout for crazy defrocked Irish priests? Are you openly wondering if Tanith Belbin is on the beach volleyball team? Did you take 1 look at Ben Johnson’s bulging yellow eyeballs and say “no freaking way he’s clean?” Are you proud that in Atlanta, the USA created the first sperm-based mascot, Whatizit? If the answer to any of these questions is “yes,” then this is the pool for you. Welcome to the 2008 Summer Olympics Challenge!

This is the 4^th installment of the challenge, with each one more closely contested than the last. Although Vegas is already installing Lisa McDynasty as the 3-1 favorite. The rules will be no more complicated than filing your taxes, and it will cost much less!

Attached is an entry form where you must pick 1 country in each of 5 groups. The one exception is group A, where you can choose either 1 super-sized or 2 medium-sized countries. Points are awarded to your countries according to medals won: 5 points for gold, 3 for silver, and 1 for bronze. There are 10 prestige events which will count double – they are listed in a separate tab on the entry form.

In addition to picking your countries, you must pick one Olympic event where you “guarantee” a gold medal from one of your countries. If you are right, you get 15 bonus points. Please be specific in your event selection (and no, “running” or “jumping” is not specific enough. “men’s swimming 200 meter butterfly” would be much better…).

For the tiebreaker, please guess the time (to the hundredth of a second) of the gold medal winner in the men’s 100 meter dash. (In 2004, it was 9.85).

The entry fee is only $5 US or CAN payable to your local Poolmaster representative. Note I will be at the Ukari Figgs/Brokeback Alex wedding on Aug 9 so some of you can pay me then! Feel free to submit multiple entries and to share this with all of your friends and enemies.

Please consult the poolmaster website (http://www.poolmasterblog.blogspot.com/) for all standings updates, quirky comments, and egregiously photoshopped slander photos you could ask for in an Olympics pool.

Links:

Poolmaster Website

NBC Olympics

Wikipedia Olympics

SI Olympics

Good luck!

Poolmaster

On Tapas the World

It must be soccer when the referees get medals, the winners wear their country flag as a skirt, and a 1-0 match can be described as an exciting lively attacking affair. But for those of you who watched, you know that it was lively. Germany had their chances (including an uncalled handball in the penalty area), the semifinal hero Lahm became the goat ... (est devenu le mouton) ... as he let Torres beat him to the ball. But Spain were the clear and worthy champions.

The same can be said for Lisa McElfhatsarethenewbling, as her dominating performance was well deserved. Her Turkey pick alone was a damning indictment of the sheer lack of imagination the rest of us have in our picking strategy. While we toil away trying to grind out a few points taking Germany and Italy and ho hum Portugal, Lisa was cashing in on Turkey, Russia, and Croatia.

The final standings are:

rank	player		points
1	lisa mcwingandaprayer		153.3
2	full monte		118.4
3	halfpoint		108.9
4	ukari figgs		99.9
5	joan benoit		91.1
6	dental hygenius		90.8
7	poolmaster		89.8
8	mimi		86.7
9	sissy sara		85.1
10	doctor norway		79.9
11	sneakey peakey		69.8
12	flippy flyer		47.3
13	brokeback alex		46.5
14	quarterpoint		32.4

Full Monte makes a nice late charge with his Spain investment, but even his 25 chips of Spain were not worth their weight in silver...

Congrats also to Quarterpoint, who begins life with a last place pool finish. Nowhere to go but up, little one!

Thanks to everyone for playing! Don't forget to pay your local Poolmaster representative.

Bye bye for now, but we will see you in exactly 2 months in Beijing for the Poolmaster Summer Olympic Challenge and Creepy Burning Cartoon Fiesta!

There Can Be Only One

Just because Scotland didn't qualify for the Euro finals doesn't mean I can't use obvious and overdone Highlander references in my blog! (oh, and take a wild guess who just got Photoshop this week...)

Since Lisa is making this pool boring on the top end, let's focus on the battle for getting your money back. It's Dr. Norway rooting for Germany and Quarterpoint for Spain. One of these two is likely to cry at some point during the game and may even poop their pants if we go into extra time... I just don't know which one.

To be sure, this has been an excellent tournament. I hope that you've enjoyed yourselves. For the record, the Poolmaster will be watching the finals on tape delay... in his deutschland fussball jersey!

Drei Biere Bitte!

Ok, one of these 3 is an actual German who has reason to celebrate advancing to the semifinals with a beer. The other 2 goofy ones can just drink and watch the rest of the tournament now that France and Italy are on the sidelines. (I'm talking to you, Luca and Franck!)

By the way, regarding those four quarterfinal matches: holy crap! I wonder if UEFA is aware that I have been taping these games and watching them at night. Do they realize that all these extra time games are biting into my sleep??? They have no shame.

In case you missed it, the 4 games were about as exciting as they get (at least in the last few minutes).

1. Germany over Portugal: Germans play well despite their creepy coach being banished to the executive luxury box. (by the way doesn't he look like he either belongs in a Zen philosophy book club with Phil Jackson or on To Catch A Predator? maybe both!) German defense had to survive a last-minute assault on goal from the Portuguese, but manage.

2. Turkey over Croatia: Actually, a pretty boring match until the 119th minute. Then it got interesting. The Turkish goalie screws up to allow a last-minute goal. But then Turkey strikes back in the last-last minute to send it to penalty kicks. Then the back-up goalie from Turkey does well, and allows headline writing hacks the world over to print up "Turkish Delight" for their morning commute free papers.

3. Russia over Netherlands: Gus Hiddink earns himself some Russian citizenship for a great game plan that kept the orange on their back foot. Arshavin again looked awesome for the Russians as they fully earned this extra-time victory.

4. Spain over Italy: Next time these 2 play, please just wake me when it's time for the penalty kicks. Italy knew they were outgunned in this one, so they did what Italy does best: play great (but boring) defense and fall down ... a lot. Spain dominated possession but had nothing to show for it. But they cruised through the PK and earned the win as well.

So Turkey will play without about half of their team against Germany and Russia gets themselves a rematch with Spain after the first matchday beatdown they were handed. Should be interesting.

By the way, Lisa McThanksforthecash has already guaranteed first place while the fight for last is between Dr. Norway (Germany, Turkey, or Russia) and Quarterpoint (Spain). And the poolmaster will go back to the drawing board to find a set of rules clearly biased against Lisa.

Enjoy the games everyone!

Convenient? No. True? Probably.

Of the 14 of us who entered the Challenge, only 3 remain who have a mathematical chance of winning:

Ukari Figgs: Croatia (or 11% chance according to Tradesports)
Mimi: Netherlands (23%)
Lisa McBannedforlife: the other 6 countries (66%)

I'm pretty sure that Dr. Norway has a stranglehold on getting his money back, except maybe if Spain wins...

For tomorrow, Germany is up against Portugal. Some Portugal dude (not the good one) has guaranteed that he will score. Oh the fun this will be...

Separated At Birth?

Yuri Zhirkov

Dr. Norway

What is the difference between the 2? The Russian left back still has a chance to win the Euro 2008.

By the way, there are 11 of us in the same boat as Dr. Norway, but none of us look like players who made the 2nd round of the tournament. However, some of us might look a bit like the losers of the first round:

or

So How Is The Strudel, Boris?

You know you're watching a European event when your coach gets kicked out of the game (presumably for wearing a $400 white shirt without cuff links), but he's allowed to go sit up in the VIP section and talk strategy with his country's leader as well as exchange hi fives with Boris Becker.

Honestly, can you picture Bill Belichick getting booted in the Superbowl only to chat up George W. along the 50 yard line while downing beers with Jimmy Connors? Well, maybe.

By the way, Boris: a shower and a shave after a night full of Jaegermeisters is never a bad idea if you're in the VIP section. You know, think of the children...

And if you missed the Turkey-Czech match like me, I am terribly sorry for us. Apparently it made Tiger and Rocco seem a bit pedestrian.

Scenario Analysis Time

With the second match day finished, its time to take a quick look at all the possibilities for advancement into the second round, and who will benefit. So clearly, I cannot choose the Scandinavian country in front of you.

(By the way, that Spain-Sweden match had to be the most competitive and well-played match we have seen yet. Too bad one of them gets to play the Dutch destroyer of worlds in the second round...)

Group A: an easy group to talk about. Portugal is in, Switzerland is out. Czech and Turkey play to see who takes 2nd spot. They will play until a shootout if necessary to determine a winner. Turkey has 2 supporters - Brokeback Alex and the already-dominant Lisa McWingandaprayer. Man, if Turkey wins, I think the rest of us are screwed. Lisa and yet another pool victory... Czech have one main benefactor, Quarterpoint. If they win, maybe he or she will celebrate by exiting the womb!

Group B: Germany's to lose. Croatia is in and Germany need to draw or win against the home minnows of Austria. Poland need about 5 things to happen to advance, but still could. Flippy Flyer will be pulling for Germany more than anyone else. Austria will have support from Lisa (again) (did I mention she would like Czech too???) Poland is obviously the territory of Brokeback.

Group C: all up in the air. Romania and their refusal to lose (or win for that matter) has put the reigning world champions and runners-up in limbo for the next round. The best team of the tournament so far (Netherlands) are through to the benefit of Mimi. France and Italy play each other for the right to hope that Romania doesn't beat the Dutch. France = Doctor Norway, Italy = Flippy Flyer and a bunch of others, Romania = Lisa (yes, again). If Italy and France draw and Romania loses, it is a 3 way tie and Romania advances as long as they keep it within 2 goals. Personally, I like France`s chances to advance, but you know, never go against a Sicilian when death is on the line.

Group D: Sweden`s loss in the 92nd minute has made the Sweden-Russia clash a biggie for the last game of the first round. Sweden advance win a win or draw to help Poolmaster, Brokeback, and L-I-S-A. A Russian win just helps Lisa, Sissy Sara, and Joan Benoit. So, um that means that Lisa is rooting for the game to ... um ... just happen I guess.

If you are unfortunate enough to only get Greece-Spain on ESPN instead, as it sucks away your will to live, I suggest making a drinking game out of it. Every time either one makes a back-pass into their defensive half of the field, take a sip. If they pass to their own goalie for no good reason, chug!

Enjoy match day 3 everyone! (Lisa probably more than the rest of us)

Angela Merkel Will Now Outlaw Picnic Blankets

Um, yeah. Germany? Just being the favorite doesn't mean they give you extra goals or anything... Perhaps all the attention has gone to their heads a bit. It appears that their back 4 really are like the Berlin Wall... in that it can be humiliated and dismantled into tiny bits and sold for $10 a pop at The Gap. Croatia played inspired soccer yesterday (now with 50% less cheating!) And now Germany will need to win or force a draw with Austria without Schweinsteiger to ensure second round status. I am sure that Flippy Flyer and his 50 chips on Germany are none too pleased today.

As for Brokeback Alex, there are no words. Having the Polish side snatch tie from the jaws of victory with a 92nd minute foul in the penalty box is quite a sucker punch to take...

But on the happy side, it is steady as she goes for Ukari Figgs. A orange win today would put her in great position.

Match Day 1 Review

So many moments from the first round to choose from, but I think that the highlight for me was one of these 2: Italy losing to a team wearing bright orange shirts, white shorts, and powder blue knee-high socks (where’s the Magnum P.I. moustache?) or Italy surrendering their first goal of the tournament because the goalie knocked over his own player and he pretended to be hurt on the sidelines.

Day 1 saw host Switzerland play very well yet lose the game and their best player to injury. Day 2 saw host Austria play well, yet lose to Croatia on a terrible call for a penalty kick – ensuring that all favorites won the first 4 games, whether they deserved it or not. But Portugal did indeed deserve the win – and I’m not just saying that to keep this guy happy... Not the best of starts to the tournament. Then Day 3 was a glorious day as Romania played inspired to deny the stonewall French any passage of their own en route to a 0-0 draw. Then the Orange outshone the Azzurri and we had ourselves some action! Day 4 saw a lively game out of Russia before Spain outclassed them in a 4-1 goal fiesta. Greece inexplicably tried to play keep-away on their own half even when down a goal, and the Swedes would have none of that.

Awards:

Best goal: Lukas Poldoski’s second against Poland. After his German teammate whiffs, Lukas calmly demonstrates how to properly volley a shot home. Would you like to see the highlight set to the sounds of European techno dance music? Of course you would.

Best flop. Ivica Olic of Croatia with his Oscar performance in winning the deciding penalty kick. Sorry no youtube link, but that’s probably a good thing.

Most random moment: in the introduction of the lineups, we are told that Sergio Garcia is on the bench for Spain. So does that mean he gets 70 warmups before kicking a penalty kick?

As for the standings, thanks to Romania’s fine performance, they have propelled Lisa McWingandaprayer into a very tentative first since her 3 chips on Romania constitute half of the point haul for the Transylvanian Orchestra. But if we put aside that pipedream, Ukari Figgs looks like she's in a good position with a positive importance factor for Croatiacheaters, the Dutch, and Sweden.

By the way, Austria, no need to get desperate yet...

Euro 2008 Team Preview

A prelude to a championship.

Group A

Portugal (15-2 odds of winning tournament). Cristiano Ronaldo (no, not the one caught with 3 transvestite hookers, the other Ronaldo) and 10 other guys. Their tactics will be: if your name is not Cristiano, you should be looking to pass the ball to someone who is. Not exactly the most balanced team, but the way he is playing, maybe that lineup can win it all. Although that Deco guy is ok too. Ego may be an issue. Q: What’s the difference between God and Cristiano Ronaldo? A: God doesn’t think that he’s Cristiano Ronaldo.

Czech Republic (24-1) Injuries aren’t helping these guys, but they still boast arguably the best goaltender in the world (at least the best one who wears a pansy helmet). They also still have Sloth-from Goonies-like Jan Koller to cause trouble to opposing teams. After all, these guys did beat down on the U.S. in the World Cup, which puts them in the same league as powerhouse Ghana...

Switzerland (32-1) The most promising thing for these guys is that they are playing at home, which means that evolutionary forces have led to them producing more natural testosterone than their opponents... so good luck with that! To put this team in perspective, their previous team captain was approached by a English Premier League team to come play for them, but the transfer talks broke down because his transfer fee ended up appearing too high. The transfer fee in question you ask? $0.00

Turkey (70-1) I’ve got nothing for you here. I don’t even know why Constantinople got the works...

Group B

Germany (4-1) The German Mannschaft are the favorites of the tournament not necessarily because they are the most dominant team, but because the rest of this group resemble some of my Pepsi soccer teams in capabilities. (Oh, Billy Evans why did you push that penalty kick wide right against the orange team? Why? Whyyyyyyy?) In any case, the Germans will be disciplined and aggressive, and also seem to be free of the injury bug so far. As close to a lock for the 2^nd round as you will get. After that, anything goes.

Croatia (15-1) Hey Croatia, The Netherlands called. They want their flag back – but can you wipe off that creepy squirrel and pink goat first? Thanks.

Poland (80-1) The shopkeepers of Klagenfurt, Austria are simply thrilled that they get to host the match between Poland and Germany. The last time these teams met in the World Cup, the fans poured out into the streets to do their best imitation of a Chicago Bulls championship riot. What could possibly go wrong?

Austria (125-1 or about the same as Eight Belles winning the Belmont Stakes) See Switzerland, then pretend they can only play with 8 men – in socks.

Group C

The ever-awesome Group Of Death. Someone please tell me there is a crappy garage band in Tulsa who stole this name for their Fri night gigs at Champ’s. This group is also known as the Group Of Flags So Mind-Numbingly Boring Because 3 Stripes Is The Best We Could Think Of Back When The Plague Was A More Pressing Issue.

Italy (7-1) The defending World Cup champions would be a higher-odds side were it not for the fact that they are in G.O.D. and the fact that their captain and key defender Cannavarro is injured with a severe case of idiot clumsy bench warmer during practice.

France (9-1) The defending World Cup runners-up are fighting some injuries too. However, they are still stacked with underappreciated talented holding defenders and midfielders. But sorry, no head-butting dude this time. Zidane retired, but he will of course always be memorialized in the Coup de Boule song (it always brings out the same emotion in me as that song at the end of Beaches...)

The Netherlands (14-1) A team with an embarrassment of riches at attacking midfield. However, the total football thing they do has never seemed to reach full potential. Personally, I think that Van Nistelrooy guy is about as overrated as Nitro was in Breakthrough and Conquer (he never learned low man wins...).

Romania (55-1) Where is your count chocula to save you now?

Group D

Spain (11-2) The #2 Vegas favorites here. These guys always are touted as ready for their breakout tournament, then disappoint. They are soooo due, man! Spain is to midfielders as the Dominican Republic is to shortstops. So expect to see a lot of control of possession from these guys. Gobs of talent all over the place, but I personally witnessed these guys come within 1 booming shot off the crossbar from allowing a draw against Saudi-Freaking-Arabia in the World Cup. So buyer beware.

Russia (26-1) Just as I know that Kerri Strug faked that ankle injury, I know that Russia bought off the refs in order to qualify for the finals. Their petro-rubles will not go as far against the likes of this group D.

Greece (33-1) Ladies and gentlemen, your defending champions of the Euro! Really. I’m not making it up. They won this thing 4 years ago, and now are graced with 33-1 odds to repeat. What is this, the 1998 Florida Marlins?

Sweden (50-1) A middling team to begin with, now their captain is hurt, their prized striker Ibrahimovic has seen a run of poor results, and they have resorted to calling back their 36 year old striker Larsson to do some “magic.” This could get all kinds of ugly. Oh, and one of the reasons they made the finals is because of this Danish dude.

Welcome to the Euro 2008 Challenge

Hello all. (Admit it, you missed the Poolmaster…)

The Euro 2008 soccer tournament starts next Saturday, which means it is our responsibility as North Americans to honor these 16 European countries by plunking down 5 bucks on a pool.

Welcome to the Euro 2008 Soccer Challenge!

The rules of this challenge are slightly less complicated than average for Poolmaster pools – you’re welcome:

The tournament: In Euro 2008, 16 countries are split in groups of 4 and play each other once each. The best 2 countries from each group form a round 2 of 8 countries playing a standard single elimination tournament to get to a winner.

The challenge: You will have 100 “chips” to place on the 16 countries in any fashion that you wish: (all on 1, a little bit everywhere, 60 here 30 there and 5 on a couple others, whatever).

The Scoring: If a country makes it to round 2, they are worth 100 points. The country that wins the tournament is worth a total of 500 points. The points a country earns will be split among the players who put chips on that country (on a prorata % basis). Highest total points wins. As usual, I will submit my picks to someone else in an email before receiving any other picks to keep my squeaky clean image intact.

The Example: You place 20 chips on France and 80 on other assorted countries. France ends up winning the tournament and your other countries all fail to make the second round. Suppose across all the players in the challenge, 115 chips were placed on France. Your final point count would be 87 points. That’s because you have 20/115 = 17.4% of all the France chips and thus you get 17.4% of the France point total of 500.

The Tiebreaker: Total # of goals scored in the tournament (there are 31 matches).

The Money stuff: $5 entry (US or CAN) winner takes all, except last place gets their money back. Please pay your local Poolmaster representative.

The Deadline: Noon EDT on Saturday June 7.

The blog: www.poolmasterblog.blogspot.com I will be using this blog for this challenge where I will post a witty and awesome preview of the 16 countries as well as the ongoing snappy analysis you come to expect in Poolmaster pools. Who knows, maybe there will be a section for your genius comments too… Check the site early and often!

As usual, please pass along this challenge to anyone else with interest. (and even those without interest!)

Resources:

Euro2008 Official Site

ESPN Coverage

Wikipedia

Good Luck!

Poolmaster